Now, when I say tonight, I do not just mean at night time. When you are a first responder working crazy shifts, or a loved one working opposite schedules, having sex at night may not be an option.
BUT! You do need to plan it into your schedule!
Some say it takes away the spontaneity. Yes, sex can be really fun and exciting when it is spontaneous. But if your life right now with young kids and unrealistic expectations makes “spontaneous sex” almost non-existent, then let me give you 17 different reasons (11 health benefits, 6 relationship benefits) why you need to plan some time to GET SOME!
*DISCLAIMER: this blog is not to provide healthcare services, it is just to provide information. If you need to talk with a healthcare professional for any reason, you should find one near you!*
11 Health Benefits of Having Sex
1. Having sex reduces stress.
When you have sex, your body releases special hormones that actually counteract hormones released when you are stressed. When you feel close with your partner, when you feel that connection and intimacy, your body is chemically fighting the stress you experience in a first responder marriage. Whether you are the responder or the loved one, you will be doing both of you a favor by getting busy tonight!
2. Having sex strengthens your immune system.
Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania showed that folks who had sex 1-2 times per week had more antibodies and called in sick less than those who had sex less often. So having more sex means less days of coughing and feeling like crap. So fight those flu germs doing the horizontal mambo!
3. Having sex improves women's bladder control.
Did you know that having sex strengthens your pelvic floor muscles? Those are the muscles that make it easier to hold it when you gotta go. If you are a female first responder, having sex means spending less time taking your duty belt on and off to go to the bathroom!
4. Having sex lowers your blood pressure.
There was a study that connected having sex with your partner with having a lower systolic blood pressure. So when you hear that first responders have more heart issues, having sex helps you fight that!
5. Having sex may help decrease your chances of getting prostate cancer.
There was a study in 2016 in Europe which found that men who were sexually active were 20% less likely to develop prostate cancer. Dudes! Protect your package! Your partner will thank you for more than just this health factor ;)
6. Having sex burns calories.
Lots of first responders recognize the need for prioritizing your health (and if you haven’t listen here), which often includes counting calories. Get in your cardio when you have sex! Did you know that having sex burns abut 5 calories per minute? That’s similar to walking at a moderate pace. Don’t forget, exercising regularly is key to maintain a healthy lifestyle, so plan for sex a couple of times a week to reap these benefits!
7. Having sex keeps your hormones in balance.
Sometimes the lifestyle of first responder families can impact the ways your body releases hormones. When you have sex, your estrogen or testosterone levels are balanced well. When these hormones are balanced, you have strong bones and strengthen your heart. Fight off the risks you have being in a first responder life by having sex regularly!
8. Having sex reduces headaches.
Headaches have become a norm for first responders. But when you are having sex, when you orgasm, it releases all of these crazy chemicals that block pain hormones and reduce the headaches you experience. So basically, you feel better after gettin’ jiggy with it!
9. Having sex improves your sleep.
Who doesn't want better sleep? Did you know that your body releases a bunch of hormones that help with sleep? Including vasopressin? Yup! So having sex after shift helps you sleep better, especially if you work nights. (*hint* have sex right when you get home, even if it is 7am!)
10. Having sex makes you look younger.
Who is always noticing the new wrinkles that show up on their face? Once I turned 30, I definitely had to start counting. When you have sex, all of the hormones and blood flow increase collagen, which helps to keep your face young and glowing. So basically, having sex prevents wrinkles!
11. Having sex boosts your libido.
That’s right! Having sex leads to more sex! Which means all of these benefits are increased exponentially. So go and get some tonight!
6 Relationship Benefits of Having Sex
1. Having sex creates and builds a strong bond.
Have you heard of “sexual afterglow”? Well, if you haven’t, it is the 48 hour period after a really good sex sesh where you have those super lovey-dovey feelings. That is where you can create a really strong and close bond with your partner. And remember, a close emotional bond leads to positive self-esteem for you and your partner, which means you will be killin’ it in other areas of life, too!
2. Having sex increases job satisfaction.
Wait, what? Did I really read that? Yes, you did. When we have the “chicken or the egg” situations, it can look like this. What came first, burnout as a responder or decrease in sexy time? I kid…. but seriously, there was a study done in 2017 that showed that couples who had sex one night would have better energy at work the next day! So if you want to feel better about work, have sex the night (or morning) before each shift. Your captain will thank you ;)
3. Having sex leads to fewer fights.
Do you ever get annoyed by all the bickering? I have the solution: more sex! Couples who have sex regularly have less disagreements and/or their fights don’t last as long as couples who have sex less frequently. So stop the bickering and GET IT ON!
4. Having sex increases your desire for each other.
Now, this only happens when your sex sesh is a good QUALITY sesh. When you have a good experience somewhere, you usually want to go back. Having good sex leads to wanting more good sex. So make sure you both enjoy it! You can read this blog to figure out what good sex is for you and your partner.
5. Having sex boosts self-esteem.
Having sex helps you feel connected with your partner, which can have a major impact on your self-esteem. When you feel loved and appreciated, you feel all the warm-fuzzies about yourself. And when that happens, you find more confidence in yourself to be the best version of yourself, whether it is as a responder, servicemember, parent, or simply as a human being.
6. HAVING SEX IS FREE!!!!
Sex doesn’t cost a penny (when it is legal), so enjoy a cheap date night in by heating it up in the bedroom!
With all of these benefits, how could you say no to having sex with your spouse tonight? (Or this morning, depending on when you get off shift).
If you are waiting for a sign, this is it. Text your spouse right now and make sure they know you have booked them for some hanky panky the next time you are both home!
Enjoy yourselves, folks!
Alisha Sweyd, LMFT
Alisha is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. She is also the Director and Co-Founder of Code 3 Counseling. Alisha specializes in working with first responder couples. You can contact her through our website.
*This does NOT apply to people in domestic violence relationships. If you or your spouse are being put in physical/emotional danger, you need to seek crisis support services, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
If you find that this exercise or these conversations brought up some stuff you are struggling with, either individually or in your relationship, please do not hesitate to reach out to us for help. We are here to support you, and we understand that this can be a challenging issue to face.