When you are living life at the speed of life, you often get disconnected from the people you love the most.
And when you are in a relationship, building a life together, it can get easy to focus conversations on the basics and to-do's.
But it is in the mundane conversations that disconnect can actually develop. We don't share about our dreams, our interests, what excites us or scares us.
There was a season, just before the pandemic, where my husband and I barely talked about things other than our kids, work or finances. At first it was because we had too much to do and waaayyyyy too little time together.
But then, even when we started to have more time to talk and hang out, we became complacent with communicating just the bare minimum. Our talks together were fact based and no longer deep, meaningful conversations.
So how did we reconnect again? We had to re-learn how to ask each other questions. We had to figure out new topics to talk about, and find out which ones we liked talking about now that our lives had changed.
We used a bunch of different resources, but one of my favorites was having a list of random questions to ask while we were out on date night! I decided to gather a bunch of our favorite ones and share them with you here :)
So the next time you go on date night, keep these questions in your back pocket to steer your conversation away from work, finances, or family!
30 Questions to Ask Your Spouse on Date Night
- If your life were a movie, who would you cast to play yourself?
- What is your favorite date you have ever had with me?
- If you were famous, what would you want to be famous for?
- What is the one thing you value most in a friend?
- If you had a different first name, what would you pick?
- What do you get most excited about when you think about our future?
- What scares you the most about our relationship?
- If you won a trip to anywhere in the world for as long as you wanted, where would you go and for how long?
- If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you choose to be?
- What is one thing you would like to do together that we have not done together yet?
- What is your favorite thing to celebrate? (ie holiday, accomplishment, birthday, anniversary)
- What do you want to be doing when we both retire?
- What thing is at the top of your bucket list right now?
- What was your favorite tradition in your family when you were growing up?
- What is your favorite way to travel? (ie AirBNB, VRBO, camping, hotel, cruise)
- If you could have any animal as a pet, with no risk of major harm, what animal would you choose?
- What was the first thing you thought about me?
- What is the best thing about our relationship?
- What is the food you hate the most?
- What is another career you think you would love?
- When did you know that you loved me?
- What is your favorite memory of our relationship?
- If you could live in any storybook, which story realm would you live in?
- What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?
- If we could afford a good trip each time, what three countries would you want to visit in the next 15 years?
- What is a question you have always wanted to ask me that you haven’t asked yet?
- What is the best relationship advice you have ever been given?
- What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
- If you could pick any movie character to be your best friend, who would you pick and why?
- What do you like most that I do in bed?
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Take care, friends!
Alisha is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. She is also the Director and Co-Founder of Code 3 Counseling. Alisha specializes in working with first responder couples. You can contact her through our website.
*This does NOT apply to people in domestic violence relationships. If you or your spouse are being put in physical/emotional danger, you need to seek crisis support services, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
If you find that this exercise or these conversations brought up some stuff you are struggling with, either individually or in your relationship, please do not hesitate to reach out to us for help. We are here to support you, and we understand that this can be a challenging issue to face.
Remember, it may be your battle, but you don’t have to fight it alone.